puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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