Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
