I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
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i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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