I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
this hospital has no fireball
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
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