Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
