you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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