ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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