Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Randomize
