I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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