I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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