I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
