Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
