your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
