then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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