You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
