You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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