do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You have to summon your inner elephant
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
