Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
