The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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