Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
