Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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