woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
