Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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