dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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