how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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