well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize