he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
