I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
