I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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