Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
