Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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