I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
