I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
