btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
