i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
