I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
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Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
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He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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