I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
