I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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