fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
