I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
