my mouth tastes like poor choices
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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