At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
