I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
