He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
