We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
