Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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