I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
