yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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