I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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