My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
