Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
