Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
