I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
