The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You ruined the universe
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
