Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
