my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
