I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
