is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
