accomplished twins. life is a go
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
