I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
