I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize