Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
