Little spoons don't ask big questions
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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