You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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