she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
