All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
