my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
