Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
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If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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