if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
