she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
