Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I didn't notice because vodka
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
