Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
