I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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