Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
