My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
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At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
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Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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