My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
