O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
