$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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