In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
