I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
did i walk over a car last night?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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