so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
