carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
